Dijon!!! And the last stretch...

Yaaaaay Dijon :) such a pretty place! Another city in France that is actually a city and not a fake one that can barely even pass for a large town (like Clermont). I am a fan.

I'm not long back from Dijon and, I have to say, it's no wonder Katie's had such a fantastic year! Spent a truely terriying amount of de monies on train tickets to visit Katerina(minina) this weekend and it was so nice! Nice 1) To see Katie as she's pissing off to work in the middle of nowhere in the Ardèche until September, 2) To meet her friend Siobhan from Brizzle and 3) To finally see this lovely place!

On Friday, we had lunch in a wee park next to Katie's appartment (which is also naize), then got ready and did the walk from her place to her school, which was cool as I got my first glimpse of town and of Katie's LIFE as it has been for the past 7 months. Got to see her school and the staffroom (which was huge! And they have bigger pigeon holes than us... Whatever...) and we met one of the really nice English teachers who drove us back to her's to chill for a bit. She was so nice! And her appartment was epic, was up a hill so you could see all of Dijon! Lavly! Why couldn't the English staff at my lycée have been as nice and appreciative as those in Katie's lycée?!!

Then she drove us to Katie's résponsable's appartment (which was truely amazing, I need to add) for apéros with all of the English teachers from Katie's lycée. It was so nice! They were soooo nice! I had my first Kir which is a very Dijonaise drink made with white wine and cassis liquor. Hell yeah. Had one glass and immediately felt as if I'd had 3. I am also a fan of this drink.

'So, have you had a good year as an assistant, too?' They asked. Uhhhhhhhhmmmmm................. I like the assistant bit?! Didn't really know what else to say haha. At first they seemed a bit like '... Alright then' when I wasn't immediately spewing out all the 'IT WAS AMAZING's they were clearly expecting to hear, however, when they found out I'd been placed in Clermont-Ferrand this year, there was a collective 'ohhhhh' of understanding from the women. They were also very understanding and sympathetic when I told them I actually teach in Thiers and had to live there for the first month. One of them described it as 'bleak'. Yeaahhh, that's one way of putting it :p It was nice to, again, be reminded that it's not just me! Clermont is shit!

Later on, after we left the teachers, we went to a wee flat part in Dijon and then to a bar in town. It was quite sad to see all of the assistants shaking their heads and saying repeatedly 'I can't believe it's all over!' but nice because they've obviously all had a lovely year in that lovely, lovely place! Also, another Thiers connection! Got speaking to one of the other Dijon assistants who was like 'oohh yeaaahh Clermont-Ferrand hmmm... Bit crap, my parents have a holiday home literally in the middle of nowhere kinda near there'. She proceeded to talk about how horrible and isolated this place is. 'The house is next to this tiny shit town called Thiers'. Yep. Great. Hahahahahaha! It is INFAMOUS for being grim and awful! IT'S DEFINITELY NOT JUST ME!!!!!!!!!!

The next day, with Thiers firmly out of my mind, we went on the owl tour of Dijon :):):) yessss. The little owl - la chouette - is the symbol of Dijon and it's sooooooo cute (fittingly, 'chouette' also means cute/sweet/great etc). There are little gold chouettes all over the pavement in Dijon which lead you to most of the things you must see while you're there! It also leads you to THE OWL, a small owl which has been engraved into the side of Notre Dame (one of the three cathedrals) that you touch with your left hand and make a wish - it's lucky! So cute!



Ahhh I can't even begin to describe how cool the whole place was! Definitely going back there when I'm rich for shopping - it's a VERY middle class place btw... Which means the shopping is excellent!!! Also bumped into the assistant from Katie's school last year who is back every other weekend because her boyfriend plays rugby for Dijon. So met one of the Dijon rugby players as well. Couldn't tell you who. Dijon aren't as good as ASM nerr :p haha!

Not much to report from Clermont end of things, tbh! Had a bit of an awkward goodbye with my résponsable haha! Not sure if it was goodbye, she said something about us meeting up in the holiday when her and the other teachers are back from England (where they're going this week). I wrote them all thank you letters that I didn't really mean :s sounds bad, but it's the truth. 'Thank you for everything you've done for me this year... Like take advantage and be a dick rather than thanking me.' 'Thank you for all your support this year... Especially the time where you berated me/completely took the piss in front of all of the other teachers at lunch and, once again, made me feel like shit'. Yeah... Haha. One of the English teachers (after having received my nice note) completely blanked me in the corridor as he walked past. Bye, then? Have a nice life! And another locked his classroom door, looking longingly down the corridor with a ridiculously emotional half-smile on his face, whipped his hair back (and forth) and strolled off, slowly, in the other direction with his long vampire coat flowing behind him, looking back occasionally at an awkward Lauryn (who was in fact waiting there for something and couldn't very well walk the other way!) like we were in a bloody movie or something.

Actual weirdos. Like... Oh my Christ. I don't think I will EVER get over how weird this year has been and how weird the people in it were. Bloody hell. I also wrote their notes in English because I couldn't be bothered to try and fake sincerity in another language. However, I will be writing heart-felt letters of thanks in French to the Proviseur (headmaster), Nataša (a French teacher who gives me a lift on Monday mornings) and one of the Pierres (an ICT teacher who is obsessed with Canada) for being so genuinely lovely. They are nice. The rest of the staff can do one. :):):)

Oh and Deji's back! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!
Lauryn <3 Rachael.
That's big Clermont news!

Anyshits thank you very much to Katie for such a lovely weekend à Dijon!

Ca fait longtemps!

Sorry doodles, just been too lazy to write, as of late! Something that you should know is that the weather has been amaazzee!! Last Saturday = 28 degrees. Believe. And the French were STILL walking around in jeans, boots, coats etc... Ok, Frenchies, you've proved your point that it gets hotter in France. Now REMOVE that RIDICULOUS attire because you're making me feel ill!!!

Last Thursday, we had a Jersey Shore themed birthday party for Dej (best night of her life, if the constant speeches about how happy she was to be there are anything to go by!) which got sehr messy. OH YEAH, WAKE UP YEAH iiiiiit's teeeee-shiiiiiiirt tiiiiiiiiiiiiime!

Last Saturday, still in the Jersey mood, I accidently woke up at round 9.40am. I was gonna roll over and go back to sleep for a wee while... But then I saw the sunlight STREAMING through my shutter and I remembered that it was soleil day à Clermont!!!! I LEAPT out of bed, opened all doors, window, shutter and started blasting out this badboy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSYViclto1w

One of my neighbours was banging on my wall because yeah fair play it was a bit early on a Saturday but I was just like YEAH and turned it up (muhaha but only because she's the annoying let's move furniture around REALLY LOUDLY at 3.30am when I'm up at 6 girl) and continued dancing/jumping/fistpumping (on my own) in my room. An EXCELLENT start to an EXCELLENT day!

School's goin alreet, trying to work out how to attach speakers to the new projector in my room so we can just watch films next week... And the week after, but sadly the tech guy just won't get back to me, so I'm afraid that might not happen!

Ummm... Ahhhh saw 'True Grit' in the wee old cinema Les Ambiences, which still has all the old equipment in tact and in use!



It was alright, except for this totally uneccessary snake scene that Deji forgot to tell me about until like 15 minutes before it happened. Properly nearly shat myself and it was worse than usual cos this girl actually got bitten. And it was so pointless yeah it had NOTHING to do with the film, this retard just fell down a hole and started poking a corpse then loads of snakes came out and it was disgusting and horrible and completely uncalled for :'( What the HELL does that have to do with her avenging her father's death? Is it some shit metaphor for something that I don't get?! ...... I am not ashamed to say that I have a full blown phobia of snakes which just goes BEYOND anything, so obviously that didn't go down amazingly well. Also, couldn't understand a WORD that Jeff Bridges said throughout the ENTIRE thing so, embarrassingly, ended up just reading the subtitles (in French) which was long.

But, yeah, apart from that the film was alright :p

Also, started discussing different accents with one class this week and established that they DO have strange ways of speaking here (especially in Thiers). Like... They don't pronounce du lait (milk) or rose (pink) correctly. Idiots. And EVERYTHING HAS A 'Y' IN IT! For non-French speakers, the letter 'y' in French is pronounced like our 'ee' sound but a bit higher and closed. But, like... Everything is taken over by 'y'. For example, 'il y a' (there is/are) becomes 'eeeeya'.

'Excuse me?' 'Eeeeeya un prof qui...' 'It has a teacher who.....?' 'Non, eeeeeya un prof' 'Il a un prof?' 'NON (mon dieu) Madame écoutez: eeeeeeeeeeeeya' 'PARDON?' 'EEEEEEEEEEYA!' ... Needless to say, we had a few difficulties at the beginning! Here are some useful translations, should you ever find yourself in a fieldy place in central France:

Eeeeyé - il est - he/it is
Eeeeya - il a - he/it has
Eeeeeeeeeeya - il y a - there is/are
Eeeeeeeeeeyavé - il y avait (yes, they also pronounce all 'è' 'ê' 'ai' 'ait' like 'é', which is even worse haha) - there was/were

Love to all, sorry about the snake rant (I'm not really that sorry) see you very soon! xxxxx

Part 2 which is better than Part 1 :)

Sorry this is a bit out of order, now. I will do two parts so it makes more sense: before Shit Tuesday and after Shit Tuesday.

The week before Shit Tuesday: 
On Wednesday, Jemima and I had lunch and then went on an impromptu TRAM TRIP (yaaaay thiiiis isss your liiiiiiiiiiiiife...) to Montferrand, which is on the outskirts of the city. Once again, I say 'outskirts', but you can walk there in half an hour. The whole city is an outskirt! It's very nice though! Full of original 16th century architecture - homes and small cafés etc. that are still in use; really sweet little place. We have decided to make it our exciting Wednesday activity (so, we'll just be going to Montferrand and, err... Yeah going to Montferrand). We had coffee in a small café/bar that contains a really cute, old, bar lady. She sat us at a nice, flowery table and spoke to us about flower attacks. Now, I bloody LOVE old people as it is (yes, I am one of those people), and she was SO CUTE that when I walked, in her plain sight, to the toilet and, only once I'd reached it, realised it was a hole in the floor (how I didn't see that one coming I will never know), I didn't have the heart to patently sit back down :( damnit cute old people! We left shortly after the first flash of lightening that evening and narrowly avoided getting caught out in the wee thunder storm/the apocalypse for too long.

Thursday was Paddy's Day, which meant that the French were being extra sarcastic and the bar prices were whacked right up. But it was a cracker of a night, as expected. So: by 9pm, I had drunk called my nan, by 9.30pm Laura and I had had to take Jemima home and put her to bed (standard), think we were back by 10ish then maybe we left at 10.30 or something but I have only dark, vague, short flashbacks of that night. So I can only assume that it was marvellous.

On Friday, I laid down on some grass with Jemima for about 20 minutes before we decided that it was all a bit too much and went home.

On Saturday, I decided that it was probably time to unpack and investigate the damage from Thursday night. Christ only knows what I did to my poor studio... In the evening we all watched the England Ireland game and stayed a bit after to catch up with the Frenchies. That night, a surprise bday shabang had been planned for Niamh, it was all sehr exciting. Armed with the keys to Sean and Niamh's, we all waited, establishing fully that it is more or less impossible for a room of people in their early twenties to sit quietly for more than 10 seconds. But she was surprised! Job done. Most of us took off early that night because we fail. As Mike put it when 'MCing' on the way home "I fail... Bmbmchhhh... Because I drink ale..." Lyrical genius from the endz.

Sunday is a true day of cotch in France, so I did my nails, read some shiiiit and saw Mike (she featured heavily in my life that week) and Pauline in the evening.

So that was my rather uneventful week! I did speak to my favourite ginger on the phone though, which gave me hope!

After Shit Tuesday:
The Wednesday was sunny as shyeeet! So Mike, Deji and I went to 1er mai which is a 'park' near to Montferrand, where we cotched on some sunny patches, witnessed dog abuse and Deji read me a massive Vogue article about Kate Winslet (her Highland tones get me hotttt).

Thursday was a lovely day with my lovely classes!

On Friday the weather was amazeee, so Mike, Deji and I (Team Win) mounted Montjuzet to lay in de sunshine again, listening to music, ignoring creepy French men and looking out over the city from our GREAT HEIGHT. Here is a photo I took on my crackberry from Montjuzet (I was too lazy to stand up so, sadly, you don't get the full effect but my intentions were good).



Alors, je m'en vais girlfrieeeend. Tschüss!!

Part 1 of 2 : The AWFUL DAY OF HATRED ! (Part 2 wil be about nice things !)

Shit Tuesday (this week) was horrendous. Note in my pigeon hole from deputy head -> ‘Je vous invite à passer à mon bureau pour faire le point sur votre intervention dans notre établissement.’ Votre intervention dans notre établissement. Charming. Here’s how that went…

"Come in, sit down, right…" Then proceeds a bollocking for my absence last Thursday which, of course, I take full responsability for. However, I was in more trouble than I should have been as la vie scolaire neglected to pass on my message. To anyone.

Secondly, there came another bollocking, this time about registers.

1.       I have been told by numerous teachers not to bother, as they take the registers (on the computer) themselves.

2.       If this is such a problem, why are you only just telling me now – a month before my contract ends?

But, of course, I was very sorry, I understood the importance of taking the register, I will do that from now on, sorry , sorry, sorry…

Thirdly – there’s a thirdly? What the hell have I done now?

"Some pupils have said that they don't like your lessons, that they don't learn anything." The fuck?

"Which pupils?" "I don't know the names." "From which class?" "I'm not sure." "What exactly did they say?" "I don't know, I didn't make a note of these things." Well, thank you very much. How incredibly helpful of you.

"So..?" "So..?" "What do you think?" "*Stumbling on words* I don't know, I thought that my lessons had been going well". "Who plans your lessons?" "Me!" Who else?! "Ok... Do you prepare them well?" "Yes, and I thought that they worked, but obviously not..."

We went on like this for a while before he played the "Ok, I asked you, you told me, I listened, you listened, I believe you" card. Here is why I was SO upset by this (more lists ha):

1.       I know full well which pupils said this and they are just… Argh!!!

2.       Out of respect for and like of my pupils, I can safely say that I have gone above and beyond for them this year : I mark assignments for them, given to me by a lazy English teacher (not supposed to do that) ; I occasionally take whole classes (not supposed to do that) ; I do exam prep (hmm) ; I do the odd bit of grammar etc (not supposed to do that). But I do it all anyway! And, up until now, I was more than happy to!

3.       I’ve always received really good feedback from teachers and pupils, so this came completely out of the blue for me – today, for example. This morning, my pupils asked me if I plan my lessons. I was like…. Shit, was it them ?! So I said yes and they said ‘ahhh they’re really good !’ I was very flattered, especially after Tuesday , and mentioned that I thought there were some pupils who didn’t like them. One girl goes (in English) "some pupils are stupid alors". And had two more brilliant classes to round the day off nicely. At the end of my last lesson, I asked one pupil how she found it (too easy? Too hard? Crap?! I’m so paranoid now!) and she said it was just right and that the others think I’m "cool" and that they were fighting over who got to be in my group today. I know this sounds completely like I’m bragging, but what I’m actually trying to say is… Fuck you, deputy head. Twice.

Unfortunately, he didn't stop there. He told me "your French isn't very good, is it?" and "It's hard to talk to you because you don't really understand French". Bearing in mind you're making me incredibly upset and nervous. My French is not perfect, obviously, and, aside from the fact that this entire meeting has been conducted in French, with you occasionally and patronisingly trying to translate, into incomprehensible 'English', things that I have understood perfectly... Aside from that, dude, when do I ever see you? When do we ever speak? How on earth would you know, generally, what my level of French is like? Then he asks if I think that my French has improved since I arrived here. I anser 'yes'. He smirks. I explain that I understand a lot more than I speak and that I think it's just a question of confidence. For example, I have French friends here who I can talk to perfectly normally, (and obviously BRILLIANTLY when we've all had a few drinks :p didn't explain that bit) but that I still sometimes get nervous around some of the teachers (because they're all so very, very cliquey and intimidating, frankly! - didn't mention that.). No offense meant, but apparently some was taken. "Oh. Is this ALL of the teachers or just SOME of the teachers or what?" He demands. Pricks like you, par exemple, monsieur. "No, just some of the teachers but I can't explain why." "Who? Which teachers?" FFS. I name a few that I feel comfortable talking to. He asks me about 3 more times to explain what I mean by 'a question of confidence'. Pretty self-explanatory, I would have thought.

I was in his office for about 20 minutes while he went over and over everything we'd already discussed. Over and over. What else could I say?! I can recall only one other time, in recent years, where I was face-to-face with someone and actually fighting back tears. I won't lie, when I got back to my classroom, I actually sobbed lol bit embarrassing! But I get so many snide remarks from this English teacher, anyway, who will only speak to me in English, who IGNORES me when I ask him to say it in French/tell him that I can understand/read/I'm not fucckkkiinnggg stupid, and actually TELLS other teachers, in front of me, that I can't speak/understand any French. I think I cried because it was the final knock to my confidence that I could take at that moment, basically. THE FRENCH BROKE ME, bitches (but only for a day and night)! And, unfotunately, I did take the pupil comment to heart at the time.

Now, I'm just angry and thinking 'how dare he?' Today, I came to school with my head held high (as Mike and co. encouraged me to - thank you SO much, again, for your support dudes!) and have been chatting to my pupils in French all day, which I don't usually do seeing as THAT ISN'T MY JOB, just to prove a point, really. And I was told in my middle class "vous parlez bien le français, Madame." So I hope that gets back to this idiot. I want to write him a letter when I leave. Not a rude one, just one that explains a bit more about my 'intervention' in his establishment. Just so he knows.

Finally, I think I may also have to subtly reiterate my role, here, to the class that I'm certain I know went to the deputy head: However much I may seem like a teacher, am treated like a teacher etc, the fact is that I am not. I am a student and an assistant to them, which is very different. I received half a day's (mainly useless) training for this. That is all. I am not here, really, to teach them anything new, but to reinforce their spoken language skills. So, if that's not to their liking... Sorry, guys. Take it up with the British Council!

Stacked it :(

Bonsoir à tous!

After 2 weeks of epicness à Londres, I am back in France! I got back on Saturday eve and still haven't seen anyone! But it was definitely a good call not getting back last night: Although it was amazing seeing everyone over the holiday, I swear down I didn't get a second to myself the whole time I was back and, therefore, did not accomplish as much shizzle as I had planned... Donc, it was good to lie down and breathe on Saturday night (I had also cleverly left myself some vodka in the fridge for future celebrations), then have all of Sunday to chillax, eat some grapes and falafel (not together - don't panic!!), watch Lock, Stock and some Being Human, lesson plan, send some emails and prepare a plan of action for the coming week.

The journey back from London was alreet, but I still dislike my unavoidable changeover in Paris! Some dude at the Bureau de Change started talking to me in Spanish (say wha, girlfrieeeeend?) which confused me, greatly. And some bird who was pretending to be mute started stroking me outside Gare du Bane-of-my-Life (Nord). Apart from that, there were no major dramas... Like the last time I was at that station and had my first proper argument in French with a 'disabled' gypsy...

Had an excellent start to the day, today (Montag). Decided to make the effort to get ready quicker and go to breakfast (which is in another building) for the first time in literally months. 5.30am. Don't worry, I can handle the heat. Flounced out of my residence at 6am to find the gates closed on both sides, meaning no one from my residence could get in and no one from the other building could get out, this morning, and I had to make do with a coffee at the station (bastads...). Couldn't be arsed with going back to my studio to do nothing for 20 minutes, so I arrived half an hour early for my train. Not ideal, by anyone's standards, but whatever. This country is just trying to wind me up, already. I know it's game. But you know what, people? I will not rise to the immaturity of France!

Once in Thiers, I proceeded to fall on my arse, somehow managing to graze my knee (which FYI is not near my arse) on the way down - talent - near the bottom of the hill of doom which connects Thiers station to the foot of the next hill which goes up to my school. And there were a group of pupils behind me.

First lesson at 8am went well! My Secondes (15-16 years old and youngest pupils of the lycée) seemed relatively pleased to see me, which was nice and, after translating a variety of swear words/other offensive English phrases that they seem to have accumulated over the last two weeks into French for them, we had a successful debating lesson! Second lesson with Terminales was good, as was the third with Premières and in my final lesson, the other lot of Secondes were being such angels we just played Bingo for most of the hour and they loved their lives (completing the actual lesson plannages quickly and efficiently in the middle, as asked). Excellent.

Not looking forward to last lesson on Thursday now, as I have been lumped with the whole class again (trust they are a CAUCHEMAR when they're all together, little feckers...) because the English teacher who can't speak English can't manage her time between her 2 schools, either. Cheers bebssss. This school, right.. I was trying to think last night how best to describe it to you, and this is what I came up with: You see how your body can't store vitamins? So you have to constantly top yourself up, daily? That's what it's like, here - I have to bum-lick these people unceasingly, mainly by doing things that, as an assistant, I shouldn't be doing like marking, grammar lessons and taking whole classes, as I could be back in the doghouse at any minute. This could just be because, for example, it's a Thursday and they forgot that they actually liked me on the Tuesday, so I have to do something to prove that I'm not a prick, then they remember that I'm not a massive douche and are really nice to me for another couple of days/weeks/minutes/hours. Nooottt even joking. Half the staff here have mountain-related issues, I'm sure of it (the pupils, luckily, seem to have localised and adapted to their surroundings since childhood. Sadly, it's too late for some of the teachers...)

Anyway, the 7 weeks between Christmas and Winter holidays FLEW by like a bee on pro-plus, so I'm sure that these next 7 weeks will, too :)

Will write again once I've actually seen one of my mates and something's happened. Got an hour and a half to hang around up the mountain until I can go back to Clermont and have a possible Carrefour date with Justine. Ooh, sexy.

Love you all!

P.S. Here's a small, crap picture of the elusive Thiers. Taken from Thiers, about halfway up the montagne. Don't be fooled by how low in the sky it seems. This is a middle section, there is more upwards on your left and downdowndownwards towards EARTH on your right...

Bits and Bobs!

J'approche d'une petite ville, elle
est située à mi-côte. Une rivière
baigne ses murs et coule ensuite
dans un jour si favorable
que je compte ses tours et ses
clochers. Elle me paraîte peinte
sur le penchant de la colline.

LA BRUYERE
Voyage de Clermont à Thiers

Wee poem to start you off, there, about the (train, I assume) journey from Clermont to Thiers.

You haven't heard from me in a while because I've been 'busy' and am currently struggling to recover from a 2 day hangover. It was my 21st, what can I say? 1) I'm getting old. 2) I could have been worse haha. 3) We had a funny, funny night on Tuesday, so that's ok!

This week, I haven't had all of my classes as my pupils have been doing their BAC blancs - mock exams for their Baccalauréat. Poor things. Hate exams! And last week was quite eventless in terms of teaching. Have had a few really good weeks with BTS, though, which is good. Even got a bit of banter going with some of the second years (Crédit Agricooool). Bon.

Before Christmas, I gave a lengthy summary of my first few months here. Voilà a shorter and probably much more positive one (apart from Thiers :p):

Clermont-Ferrand
I don't mind Poomont, now. I think the week and a half of sunshine definitely helped. And getting out to Paris and Lyon lol. I am fully aware that it's shit compared to most of the rest of France for reason upon reason, however I really aime the rugby team (ASM) and do now have a bit of a soft spot for le Puy-de-Dôme, our biggest volcano. You 'eard. I've become a bit attached to a volcano. Evidently, France has driven me completely insane. I was also told by a teacher about a month ago 'tu es complètement intégrée maintenant' when I wore my ASM hoody to work. That was nice to hear :) not such an outsider anymore (after 5 months...).

Thiers
Bloody Thiers haha! Being here, it still feels a lot like how I'd imagine Soviet Russia would've felt. This part will, sadly, never change and I ask God and my friends 'Why? Why me? Why was I chosen out of hundreds of French students to be placed in Thiers?' every day I come to work. Just because I like this volcano, doesn't mean I aime the mountains/countryside as well, now! Well, maybe a little bit more :p Things I like about Thiers are (that's right, I just typed 'like' and 'Thiers' in the same sentence): The place has made me a more tolerant person!! I know this, because you have to have the patience of a SAINT in general to spend lots of time in a place like this and also because, on the train back from Lyon, Sam started getting wound up quickly by the trees and fields and fields and fields and ooh, mountains, fields, fields, a shack, fields, treeeeees, trees, TREEEEES etc. etc. (I did try to warn you all) as we entered the Auvergne and I was calm as can be. Kinda like hey, look at me, I can handle this greenery that's all up in ma grill. I also recognised Thiers from the other side of the mountain. It's freaking me out how I recognise different fields and tree 'families' and sky lines etc. Thiers has also made me appreciate Clermont and the rest of the world, more.

The Peopolz
Ok, so, you know how when I first got to Thiers, the teachers (none of whom live anywhere near, obviously) told me that everyone in Thiers is very poor and that's why there's no shops, no work, no nothinnng etc.? And then how I found out that a teacher at Erin's lycée had taken her on a walk and pointed out how nice the BACKs of the houses are, how nice their gardens are, how many swimming pools can be seen...? Me and Erin discussed this at the beginning of our placement and remarked on how bizarre it was that the vast majority of people living in Thiers seem to be trying to hide their wealth. Before Christmas, I couldn't be bothered to lesson plan (casual) so I discussed stereotypes with some of my students, and it emerged with some of them that Auvergnats (in general, so people from the Clermont-Ferrand/Vichy/Moulins areas) are known for being stereotypically tight with their money and their possesions. One guy gave the brilliantly-worded example 'If I have cake and you say me I can have a part of cake I say NO you can't have some of my cake'. Obviously, after each example, I was told 'but not me, not me, me and my family aren't like that'. Hmm, we thought. Could this be part of the reason for the Thiernois wanting to hide their wealth? Are they a bit paranoid about something related? The most recent piece to this puzzle surfaced in a class I had last week. I gave them role play scenarios which they worked on in groups of 2 or 3 (so there were several groups) and the first scenario was around the subject of bullying. Fascinatingly, the victim in every group's scenario was being bullied because they had a lot of money. Weeeiiiirrrddd, huh? Erin and I are still trying to figure out what all of this MEANS haha but there you are. There's my little social study of Thiers.

The Good Times
Well, Tuesday night was definitely a highlight! I won't even go into what/how much alcohol I consumed, but you should know that I am an absolute hero. Shout out to Victor the barman who also loved his life that night and made me a birthday cracker with some cream that ended up, through no fault of my own, in my hair and face. What a guy. Here we are:



Here is Beardmore's toilet maze from a different night:



From left to right: Pauline (the best Frenchie everrr), Lauryn and Rachael/Deji (my favourite female Scot):



Jemima (Mike), Laura (Bran/Wales), Dan (... Dan/Beiber) and Lauryn in Jaude this Christmas:



Halloween:



Some random pricks who ruined my hair and, consequently, my life:



Only joking, love you boys! (... Sometimes).

Tomorrow I return to Angleterre for 2 weeks! Reeeeeally looking forward to seeing most of the fam and 2 of my best mates in the evening for a meal! In the same restaurant in Stanmore that my Marge went to for her 21st - aaawwww isn't that nice? :) And I'm afraid (no, really, I'm genuinely actually a little bit scared) of the inevitable battering my liver is going to recieve again on Saturday night! Suppose I'd better get it over and done with haha!

Love to all and will see many of you this weekend! xxxx

Culture and sheep killing.

Herro, here's the latest:

Last week was the funniest week I've had since beginning teaching! Monday was BRILLIANT as il n'y avait pas de secondes! Excellent! So I didn't have my first lesson at 8am or my last one at 3pm! Still had to come in quite early because of trains, but only taught from 11am-1pm. Bliss. And it was sunny! Got back to Clermont Shore really early so went on bank and laundrette dates with Mike and Wales.

Tuesday was a similar affair: first year BTS (the pooheads) are on stage for 2 weeks, so I finished at 12pm. Did lots of 'have you ever/would you ever..?' and advertising exercises with the other classes, which went down well. I finally cracked the boring know-it-all class. Scoooore. Hopefully I will remain in their good books! Also that class cracked me up this morning (would never have seen that coming). I asked the annoying swearing boys very nicely, before they started, if they could (for once) not use any bad words in their dialogue. "Ahhh ptaiiiiin". So that was their entire dialogue down the drain, then. But they coped! And they didn't try to push their luck either, so this made me a bit more willing to compromise. I just thought, if it makes them THAT happy so say 'fuck you', 'mother fucker', 'prick' (quite impressed they know little ones like that, actually) and 'wanker', and no one else is around to hear... Ahhhh why notttt? Don't be tight, Murdoch! "Boys, this time you may use one swear word. Once. If you absolutely must. Use it wisely..." This made them incredulously happy and now they smile at me rather than giving me evils. What made me laugh, though, was that all of the girls, who are very lady-like and polite and would never think to add in an unneccesary grand mot, took this as their cue to slip in "ahh FEUCK" somewhere irrelevant in their's as well haha. They were also really going for it! I really feel like they learnt something today.

On Wednesday, I literally rolled around in my pyjamas all day, generally just being happy with my day off. Yeah, thought I'd share that image with you. Deji came over in the evening for some romantic vegetarian burritos. If you and I are connected on Spotify, check out my playlist entitled 'Dej <3'.

Thursday was entertaining, as usual. Had the lovely class of dreams at 8am and we decided to sod the lesson half way through to talk about different English/French accents and French TV. I have a nifty list. 'Plus belle la vie' sounds like a mixture between 'Eastenders' and 'Desperate Housewives', so il faut que je get on that. Ahhhww and they invited me for coffee in the student foyer. Dey so naize :)

My second lesson was just ridiculous! There were only 4 girls and Fayssal : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUgg4wd1ke4. If you've just watched that video then, err, yeah...

Have you ever/Would you ever..?

"Would you ever steal?" "Yez, I would steal the eyes of Lauryn *creepy stare*". Nervous laughter from me and the girls. I'm thinking that, to be fair to the guy, even though it was cringe it was really quick, so I'll give him that one. "Genius, aaaaanyway..." More laughter from the girls. "Mais NON je suis sérieux, quoi." Sulk. Riiiiiiiight. At least he grasped the use of the word 'would'. Moving swiftly on. "So, has anyone ever-" "Lauryn! Lauryn! I forget something!" (Oh Jesus) "Yes?" "Does you 'ave a cléf?" He asks, brandishing his USB stick. "... No... Why?" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh......... I 'as a film for you. Iz called 'The Prophet'". Don't even want to know what that's all about, franchement. Carrying on. "What's the silliest thing you have ever done?" Blank faces (not a lot goes down in Thiers). "Oh! Oh! OH!" "Yes, Fays?" "I killed a sheep in Algeria!!". Bloody fantastic. He then proceeded to stand up and demonstrate, very graphically and with sound effects, exactly how he had kicked this 'medium', 'shit' sheep to death (when he was 11... The actual fuck?) and how his uncle had gone mental and slapped him. He ended this spectacle by revealing "I don't like this sheeps, quoi" with a big frown on his face. Bit worrying. After that, every 5 minutes until the end of the class he would start going "MEEEEHHHRRRR" and mime his sheep slaughter with a slightly manical grin on his face.

I have to say, from a teaching perspective, I was thrown.

Before the last lesson, I found a note from this English teacher saying 'Lauryn you have whole class today as normally I am not there'. Okay 1) What are you talking about, woman? and 2) No, because every other week I have a different class all together, so how does that one work? To be fair, her English is about as good as my French and if I ever see her, she just speaks English. I never understand that the feck this woman's chat is. JustdoitinFrench! The pupils turned out to be half brilliant and half little... Anyway but it went well!

On Friday we went for coffee and then a small group of us, English and French, went to Le Court Métrange, the international short film festival in Clermont-Ferrand. Didn't think I was that into films, but it was really good! We did four solid hours (truely heroic), 2 hours of the French nationals and 2 hours of the internationals. I'm now so cultured I want to cry.

Yesterday morning (Montag) I was bloody late for bloody school bloody again! Second time in like 5 weeks. Naat goooood. Not my fault! This teacher never showed up but the MAIN thing is I'm not in trouble lol pheeew. I think what I have going for me is that it would be impossible for me to have an attendance record worse than the Spanish assistant. Thank you, Spanish assistant.

Did a lesson with this first class yesterday where I gave them scenarios to do with bullying, stealing etc. and they had to create role plays to show what they would do in these situations. I found it interesting that in each bullying role play, the victim was being picked on for having lots of money. I guess this further explains why the rich people in Thiers (so basically all the people in Thiers) leave the fronts of their houses looking scabby and old. Or maybe their making a big deal of hiding their wealth has fuelled this attitude? Who knows? I feel like I have discovered another piece to mine and Erin's puzzle, we just can't work out where it fits! They're mostly all quite strange people in Thiers anyway. Who will ever know why they do what they do?

Also did one with 2nd year BTS today (have to keep things simple as with the pupils in their 20s haha ahh bless their lives!) and the boys gave a dramatic account of me being 'encircled' (how/why they know the word 'encircled' yet couldn't tell you they went shopping or to the park in English is beyond me) outside the school and them STOPPING THE BUS haha and scaring away the bullies and me crying but then 'no cry after because of we'! I had wondered why they'd been so insistant on being the last to share their work! I really like that whole class, actually. I was scared before I started teaching them because every single one is older than me! I thought I'd have some trouble with this one girl who was being a dick in the first lesson but I tried the old being overly nice to her about her and her rubbish English in the first lesson and I think she realised quite quickly that I'm not a douche so now I'd say in her group she probably tries the hardest!

In other news...

The sun has gone, owww :( It's raining in Poomont-Ferrand and Thiers is stuck in a cloud once more! But I'm glad we had that nice, sunny week as we desperately needed it! AND today I get to leave early again yissss :D AND it's 8 days until my birthday yissss :D AND it's 10 days until the Second Coming (back) of the Murdoch yissss :D AND I might be shopping in Lyon with Wales tomorrow yisssss :D ..... Yiiiissssss!!!