Part 2 which is better than Part 1 :)

Sorry this is a bit out of order, now. I will do two parts so it makes more sense: before Shit Tuesday and after Shit Tuesday.

The week before Shit Tuesday: 
On Wednesday, Jemima and I had lunch and then went on an impromptu TRAM TRIP (yaaaay thiiiis isss your liiiiiiiiiiiiife...) to Montferrand, which is on the outskirts of the city. Once again, I say 'outskirts', but you can walk there in half an hour. The whole city is an outskirt! It's very nice though! Full of original 16th century architecture - homes and small cafés etc. that are still in use; really sweet little place. We have decided to make it our exciting Wednesday activity (so, we'll just be going to Montferrand and, err... Yeah going to Montferrand). We had coffee in a small café/bar that contains a really cute, old, bar lady. She sat us at a nice, flowery table and spoke to us about flower attacks. Now, I bloody LOVE old people as it is (yes, I am one of those people), and she was SO CUTE that when I walked, in her plain sight, to the toilet and, only once I'd reached it, realised it was a hole in the floor (how I didn't see that one coming I will never know), I didn't have the heart to patently sit back down :( damnit cute old people! We left shortly after the first flash of lightening that evening and narrowly avoided getting caught out in the wee thunder storm/the apocalypse for too long.

Thursday was Paddy's Day, which meant that the French were being extra sarcastic and the bar prices were whacked right up. But it was a cracker of a night, as expected. So: by 9pm, I had drunk called my nan, by 9.30pm Laura and I had had to take Jemima home and put her to bed (standard), think we were back by 10ish then maybe we left at 10.30 or something but I have only dark, vague, short flashbacks of that night. So I can only assume that it was marvellous.

On Friday, I laid down on some grass with Jemima for about 20 minutes before we decided that it was all a bit too much and went home.

On Saturday, I decided that it was probably time to unpack and investigate the damage from Thursday night. Christ only knows what I did to my poor studio... In the evening we all watched the England Ireland game and stayed a bit after to catch up with the Frenchies. That night, a surprise bday shabang had been planned for Niamh, it was all sehr exciting. Armed with the keys to Sean and Niamh's, we all waited, establishing fully that it is more or less impossible for a room of people in their early twenties to sit quietly for more than 10 seconds. But she was surprised! Job done. Most of us took off early that night because we fail. As Mike put it when 'MCing' on the way home "I fail... Bmbmchhhh... Because I drink ale..." Lyrical genius from the endz.

Sunday is a true day of cotch in France, so I did my nails, read some shiiiit and saw Mike (she featured heavily in my life that week) and Pauline in the evening.

So that was my rather uneventful week! I did speak to my favourite ginger on the phone though, which gave me hope!

After Shit Tuesday:
The Wednesday was sunny as shyeeet! So Mike, Deji and I went to 1er mai which is a 'park' near to Montferrand, where we cotched on some sunny patches, witnessed dog abuse and Deji read me a massive Vogue article about Kate Winslet (her Highland tones get me hotttt).

Thursday was a lovely day with my lovely classes!

On Friday the weather was amazeee, so Mike, Deji and I (Team Win) mounted Montjuzet to lay in de sunshine again, listening to music, ignoring creepy French men and looking out over the city from our GREAT HEIGHT. Here is a photo I took on my crackberry from Montjuzet (I was too lazy to stand up so, sadly, you don't get the full effect but my intentions were good).



Alors, je m'en vais girlfrieeeend. Tschüss!!

Part 1 of 2 : The AWFUL DAY OF HATRED ! (Part 2 wil be about nice things !)

Shit Tuesday (this week) was horrendous. Note in my pigeon hole from deputy head -> ‘Je vous invite à passer à mon bureau pour faire le point sur votre intervention dans notre établissement.’ Votre intervention dans notre établissement. Charming. Here’s how that went…

"Come in, sit down, right…" Then proceeds a bollocking for my absence last Thursday which, of course, I take full responsability for. However, I was in more trouble than I should have been as la vie scolaire neglected to pass on my message. To anyone.

Secondly, there came another bollocking, this time about registers.

1.       I have been told by numerous teachers not to bother, as they take the registers (on the computer) themselves.

2.       If this is such a problem, why are you only just telling me now – a month before my contract ends?

But, of course, I was very sorry, I understood the importance of taking the register, I will do that from now on, sorry , sorry, sorry…

Thirdly – there’s a thirdly? What the hell have I done now?

"Some pupils have said that they don't like your lessons, that they don't learn anything." The fuck?

"Which pupils?" "I don't know the names." "From which class?" "I'm not sure." "What exactly did they say?" "I don't know, I didn't make a note of these things." Well, thank you very much. How incredibly helpful of you.

"So..?" "So..?" "What do you think?" "*Stumbling on words* I don't know, I thought that my lessons had been going well". "Who plans your lessons?" "Me!" Who else?! "Ok... Do you prepare them well?" "Yes, and I thought that they worked, but obviously not..."

We went on like this for a while before he played the "Ok, I asked you, you told me, I listened, you listened, I believe you" card. Here is why I was SO upset by this (more lists ha):

1.       I know full well which pupils said this and they are just… Argh!!!

2.       Out of respect for and like of my pupils, I can safely say that I have gone above and beyond for them this year : I mark assignments for them, given to me by a lazy English teacher (not supposed to do that) ; I occasionally take whole classes (not supposed to do that) ; I do exam prep (hmm) ; I do the odd bit of grammar etc (not supposed to do that). But I do it all anyway! And, up until now, I was more than happy to!

3.       I’ve always received really good feedback from teachers and pupils, so this came completely out of the blue for me – today, for example. This morning, my pupils asked me if I plan my lessons. I was like…. Shit, was it them ?! So I said yes and they said ‘ahhh they’re really good !’ I was very flattered, especially after Tuesday , and mentioned that I thought there were some pupils who didn’t like them. One girl goes (in English) "some pupils are stupid alors". And had two more brilliant classes to round the day off nicely. At the end of my last lesson, I asked one pupil how she found it (too easy? Too hard? Crap?! I’m so paranoid now!) and she said it was just right and that the others think I’m "cool" and that they were fighting over who got to be in my group today. I know this sounds completely like I’m bragging, but what I’m actually trying to say is… Fuck you, deputy head. Twice.

Unfortunately, he didn't stop there. He told me "your French isn't very good, is it?" and "It's hard to talk to you because you don't really understand French". Bearing in mind you're making me incredibly upset and nervous. My French is not perfect, obviously, and, aside from the fact that this entire meeting has been conducted in French, with you occasionally and patronisingly trying to translate, into incomprehensible 'English', things that I have understood perfectly... Aside from that, dude, when do I ever see you? When do we ever speak? How on earth would you know, generally, what my level of French is like? Then he asks if I think that my French has improved since I arrived here. I anser 'yes'. He smirks. I explain that I understand a lot more than I speak and that I think it's just a question of confidence. For example, I have French friends here who I can talk to perfectly normally, (and obviously BRILLIANTLY when we've all had a few drinks :p didn't explain that bit) but that I still sometimes get nervous around some of the teachers (because they're all so very, very cliquey and intimidating, frankly! - didn't mention that.). No offense meant, but apparently some was taken. "Oh. Is this ALL of the teachers or just SOME of the teachers or what?" He demands. Pricks like you, par exemple, monsieur. "No, just some of the teachers but I can't explain why." "Who? Which teachers?" FFS. I name a few that I feel comfortable talking to. He asks me about 3 more times to explain what I mean by 'a question of confidence'. Pretty self-explanatory, I would have thought.

I was in his office for about 20 minutes while he went over and over everything we'd already discussed. Over and over. What else could I say?! I can recall only one other time, in recent years, where I was face-to-face with someone and actually fighting back tears. I won't lie, when I got back to my classroom, I actually sobbed lol bit embarrassing! But I get so many snide remarks from this English teacher, anyway, who will only speak to me in English, who IGNORES me when I ask him to say it in French/tell him that I can understand/read/I'm not fucckkkiinnggg stupid, and actually TELLS other teachers, in front of me, that I can't speak/understand any French. I think I cried because it was the final knock to my confidence that I could take at that moment, basically. THE FRENCH BROKE ME, bitches (but only for a day and night)! And, unfotunately, I did take the pupil comment to heart at the time.

Now, I'm just angry and thinking 'how dare he?' Today, I came to school with my head held high (as Mike and co. encouraged me to - thank you SO much, again, for your support dudes!) and have been chatting to my pupils in French all day, which I don't usually do seeing as THAT ISN'T MY JOB, just to prove a point, really. And I was told in my middle class "vous parlez bien le français, Madame." So I hope that gets back to this idiot. I want to write him a letter when I leave. Not a rude one, just one that explains a bit more about my 'intervention' in his establishment. Just so he knows.

Finally, I think I may also have to subtly reiterate my role, here, to the class that I'm certain I know went to the deputy head: However much I may seem like a teacher, am treated like a teacher etc, the fact is that I am not. I am a student and an assistant to them, which is very different. I received half a day's (mainly useless) training for this. That is all. I am not here, really, to teach them anything new, but to reinforce their spoken language skills. So, if that's not to their liking... Sorry, guys. Take it up with the British Council!

Stacked it :(

Bonsoir à tous!

After 2 weeks of epicness à Londres, I am back in France! I got back on Saturday eve and still haven't seen anyone! But it was definitely a good call not getting back last night: Although it was amazing seeing everyone over the holiday, I swear down I didn't get a second to myself the whole time I was back and, therefore, did not accomplish as much shizzle as I had planned... Donc, it was good to lie down and breathe on Saturday night (I had also cleverly left myself some vodka in the fridge for future celebrations), then have all of Sunday to chillax, eat some grapes and falafel (not together - don't panic!!), watch Lock, Stock and some Being Human, lesson plan, send some emails and prepare a plan of action for the coming week.

The journey back from London was alreet, but I still dislike my unavoidable changeover in Paris! Some dude at the Bureau de Change started talking to me in Spanish (say wha, girlfrieeeeend?) which confused me, greatly. And some bird who was pretending to be mute started stroking me outside Gare du Bane-of-my-Life (Nord). Apart from that, there were no major dramas... Like the last time I was at that station and had my first proper argument in French with a 'disabled' gypsy...

Had an excellent start to the day, today (Montag). Decided to make the effort to get ready quicker and go to breakfast (which is in another building) for the first time in literally months. 5.30am. Don't worry, I can handle the heat. Flounced out of my residence at 6am to find the gates closed on both sides, meaning no one from my residence could get in and no one from the other building could get out, this morning, and I had to make do with a coffee at the station (bastads...). Couldn't be arsed with going back to my studio to do nothing for 20 minutes, so I arrived half an hour early for my train. Not ideal, by anyone's standards, but whatever. This country is just trying to wind me up, already. I know it's game. But you know what, people? I will not rise to the immaturity of France!

Once in Thiers, I proceeded to fall on my arse, somehow managing to graze my knee (which FYI is not near my arse) on the way down - talent - near the bottom of the hill of doom which connects Thiers station to the foot of the next hill which goes up to my school. And there were a group of pupils behind me.

First lesson at 8am went well! My Secondes (15-16 years old and youngest pupils of the lycée) seemed relatively pleased to see me, which was nice and, after translating a variety of swear words/other offensive English phrases that they seem to have accumulated over the last two weeks into French for them, we had a successful debating lesson! Second lesson with Terminales was good, as was the third with Premières and in my final lesson, the other lot of Secondes were being such angels we just played Bingo for most of the hour and they loved their lives (completing the actual lesson plannages quickly and efficiently in the middle, as asked). Excellent.

Not looking forward to last lesson on Thursday now, as I have been lumped with the whole class again (trust they are a CAUCHEMAR when they're all together, little feckers...) because the English teacher who can't speak English can't manage her time between her 2 schools, either. Cheers bebssss. This school, right.. I was trying to think last night how best to describe it to you, and this is what I came up with: You see how your body can't store vitamins? So you have to constantly top yourself up, daily? That's what it's like, here - I have to bum-lick these people unceasingly, mainly by doing things that, as an assistant, I shouldn't be doing like marking, grammar lessons and taking whole classes, as I could be back in the doghouse at any minute. This could just be because, for example, it's a Thursday and they forgot that they actually liked me on the Tuesday, so I have to do something to prove that I'm not a prick, then they remember that I'm not a massive douche and are really nice to me for another couple of days/weeks/minutes/hours. Nooottt even joking. Half the staff here have mountain-related issues, I'm sure of it (the pupils, luckily, seem to have localised and adapted to their surroundings since childhood. Sadly, it's too late for some of the teachers...)

Anyway, the 7 weeks between Christmas and Winter holidays FLEW by like a bee on pro-plus, so I'm sure that these next 7 weeks will, too :)

Will write again once I've actually seen one of my mates and something's happened. Got an hour and a half to hang around up the mountain until I can go back to Clermont and have a possible Carrefour date with Justine. Ooh, sexy.

Love you all!

P.S. Here's a small, crap picture of the elusive Thiers. Taken from Thiers, about halfway up the montagne. Don't be fooled by how low in the sky it seems. This is a middle section, there is more upwards on your left and downdowndownwards towards EARTH on your right...