Part 1 of 2 : The AWFUL DAY OF HATRED ! (Part 2 wil be about nice things !)

Shit Tuesday (this week) was horrendous. Note in my pigeon hole from deputy head -> ‘Je vous invite à passer à mon bureau pour faire le point sur votre intervention dans notre établissement.’ Votre intervention dans notre établissement. Charming. Here’s how that went…

"Come in, sit down, right…" Then proceeds a bollocking for my absence last Thursday which, of course, I take full responsability for. However, I was in more trouble than I should have been as la vie scolaire neglected to pass on my message. To anyone.

Secondly, there came another bollocking, this time about registers.

1.       I have been told by numerous teachers not to bother, as they take the registers (on the computer) themselves.

2.       If this is such a problem, why are you only just telling me now – a month before my contract ends?

But, of course, I was very sorry, I understood the importance of taking the register, I will do that from now on, sorry , sorry, sorry…

Thirdly – there’s a thirdly? What the hell have I done now?

"Some pupils have said that they don't like your lessons, that they don't learn anything." The fuck?

"Which pupils?" "I don't know the names." "From which class?" "I'm not sure." "What exactly did they say?" "I don't know, I didn't make a note of these things." Well, thank you very much. How incredibly helpful of you.

"So..?" "So..?" "What do you think?" "*Stumbling on words* I don't know, I thought that my lessons had been going well". "Who plans your lessons?" "Me!" Who else?! "Ok... Do you prepare them well?" "Yes, and I thought that they worked, but obviously not..."

We went on like this for a while before he played the "Ok, I asked you, you told me, I listened, you listened, I believe you" card. Here is why I was SO upset by this (more lists ha):

1.       I know full well which pupils said this and they are just… Argh!!!

2.       Out of respect for and like of my pupils, I can safely say that I have gone above and beyond for them this year : I mark assignments for them, given to me by a lazy English teacher (not supposed to do that) ; I occasionally take whole classes (not supposed to do that) ; I do exam prep (hmm) ; I do the odd bit of grammar etc (not supposed to do that). But I do it all anyway! And, up until now, I was more than happy to!

3.       I’ve always received really good feedback from teachers and pupils, so this came completely out of the blue for me – today, for example. This morning, my pupils asked me if I plan my lessons. I was like…. Shit, was it them ?! So I said yes and they said ‘ahhh they’re really good !’ I was very flattered, especially after Tuesday , and mentioned that I thought there were some pupils who didn’t like them. One girl goes (in English) "some pupils are stupid alors". And had two more brilliant classes to round the day off nicely. At the end of my last lesson, I asked one pupil how she found it (too easy? Too hard? Crap?! I’m so paranoid now!) and she said it was just right and that the others think I’m "cool" and that they were fighting over who got to be in my group today. I know this sounds completely like I’m bragging, but what I’m actually trying to say is… Fuck you, deputy head. Twice.

Unfortunately, he didn't stop there. He told me "your French isn't very good, is it?" and "It's hard to talk to you because you don't really understand French". Bearing in mind you're making me incredibly upset and nervous. My French is not perfect, obviously, and, aside from the fact that this entire meeting has been conducted in French, with you occasionally and patronisingly trying to translate, into incomprehensible 'English', things that I have understood perfectly... Aside from that, dude, when do I ever see you? When do we ever speak? How on earth would you know, generally, what my level of French is like? Then he asks if I think that my French has improved since I arrived here. I anser 'yes'. He smirks. I explain that I understand a lot more than I speak and that I think it's just a question of confidence. For example, I have French friends here who I can talk to perfectly normally, (and obviously BRILLIANTLY when we've all had a few drinks :p didn't explain that bit) but that I still sometimes get nervous around some of the teachers (because they're all so very, very cliquey and intimidating, frankly! - didn't mention that.). No offense meant, but apparently some was taken. "Oh. Is this ALL of the teachers or just SOME of the teachers or what?" He demands. Pricks like you, par exemple, monsieur. "No, just some of the teachers but I can't explain why." "Who? Which teachers?" FFS. I name a few that I feel comfortable talking to. He asks me about 3 more times to explain what I mean by 'a question of confidence'. Pretty self-explanatory, I would have thought.

I was in his office for about 20 minutes while he went over and over everything we'd already discussed. Over and over. What else could I say?! I can recall only one other time, in recent years, where I was face-to-face with someone and actually fighting back tears. I won't lie, when I got back to my classroom, I actually sobbed lol bit embarrassing! But I get so many snide remarks from this English teacher, anyway, who will only speak to me in English, who IGNORES me when I ask him to say it in French/tell him that I can understand/read/I'm not fucckkkiinnggg stupid, and actually TELLS other teachers, in front of me, that I can't speak/understand any French. I think I cried because it was the final knock to my confidence that I could take at that moment, basically. THE FRENCH BROKE ME, bitches (but only for a day and night)! And, unfotunately, I did take the pupil comment to heart at the time.

Now, I'm just angry and thinking 'how dare he?' Today, I came to school with my head held high (as Mike and co. encouraged me to - thank you SO much, again, for your support dudes!) and have been chatting to my pupils in French all day, which I don't usually do seeing as THAT ISN'T MY JOB, just to prove a point, really. And I was told in my middle class "vous parlez bien le français, Madame." So I hope that gets back to this idiot. I want to write him a letter when I leave. Not a rude one, just one that explains a bit more about my 'intervention' in his establishment. Just so he knows.

Finally, I think I may also have to subtly reiterate my role, here, to the class that I'm certain I know went to the deputy head: However much I may seem like a teacher, am treated like a teacher etc, the fact is that I am not. I am a student and an assistant to them, which is very different. I received half a day's (mainly useless) training for this. That is all. I am not here, really, to teach them anything new, but to reinforce their spoken language skills. So, if that's not to their liking... Sorry, guys. Take it up with the British Council!